Leighton Baker, Conservative Party Leader. The debate and discussion at the start of the last week of the 2017 General Election around the significance of the Nelson Green Party polls has been described as inaccurate at best, and completely misleading at worst.
There is a side note to the story not being told. According to sources in a particular street in Nelson, the Conservative Party Candidate is leading by a reasonably sizable margin.
“Our internal polling of Pudge the Cat, Kiwi the Dog, Ester the Goat, and Bruce the guinea pig, suggests a swing to the relatively unknown lifestyle block farmer and Conservative Party stalwart, Simon Gutschlag.”
Gutschlag agrees there is a sniff of change in the air. “Actually, that could be the cows next door, but compared to the poll earlier in the week – I’d be more inclined to go with the bovine smell.”
Candidate Gutschlag continues. “We’ve been inundated with invitations to speak at events, kiss babies, and our polling has been audited by an extremely independent 10 year old.”
“This is not a game we are playing here, lives could be affected by a poll suggesting that the goat has changed its allegiance from lighter blue to green or as we say in rural NZ – from “lite to trim”.
Patrick Gower was quoted this week as saying the Nelson polling was “fake news”. “You couldn’t be more correct Paddy – the real news is that in the words of Edmund Blackadder, Nelson could well be a ‘Rotten Borough’.”